What Is A Necessity?

   The holidays are coming. Now might be the best time to save a little extra money so you can enjoy the food and gifts without adding the expense to your surmounting credit card bill(s). Let's try a little experiment.

The struggle is real. 

   For the month of October, buy nothing that is not a necessity. What does this mean? Only consumables and things you run out of like milk, eggs, toilet paper and dog food. Vehicle fuel is included of course. But everything else you don't NEED, hold off for just a month. New shoes, a new phone case, the dollar spot at Target, give it all up. Pass on the jewelry catalog circulating around the office. Pack your lunch and sit under a shady tree enjoying the fall breeze instead of walking around the mall. If you can, avoid stores like Wal-Mart and Target that sell groceries and everything else that unexpectedly jumps in your cart. Stick to grocery stores to limit temptation.
   In fact, I bet you'll find that you can condition your impulse buying and eliminate it completely if you make the effort. Waiting a few days or weeks on an impulse buy usually squashes the desire and saves you buyers remorse in the end.

   This is absolutely possible. Check out this Tennessee family who did this for a whole year! A Year Without Shopping: The "No Buy": Experiment. I really like the ground rules they set:

• Don't buy stuff, unless it's something you can use up within the year, such as food and hygiene products.
• You can fix stuff that breaks, unless a suitable replacement is already available in the household.
• Spending money on gifts is OK, but only in the form of a charitable donation or an experience that can be shared with someone else.
  
  

To jump start the month of necessities only, try a "Fiscal Fast" - one week of no spending period! Check out my post on making the "Fiscal Fast" work for you.

In Mom's Defense: Understanding the Mom Brain

   I usually post about ways to save money but I was feeling inspired to write a little something for the moms out there who need some support. For our friends and family who are confused - even frustrated - with us at times, here's some insight.

7 Things To Know About Moms With Kids Under 5

Grooming. We rarely have time to wash our hair and shave our legs in the same day (week if I'm being honest). Hold your comments on our leg stubble. The "no shave season" is our best friend. And if we have the luxury to shampoo AND condition our hair, you can forget blow drying. The "mom cut" exists for a reason. There's no time for blow drying when there is french toast to be microwaved and lunch to pack. My towel-dried damp hair is hiding under a librarian bun or french braid at this moment. Today and every day. If our hair is blow dried/flat ironed, it's likely date night and we've asked the sitter to arrive 30 minutes early to allow time for this endeavor.

Phone Dates. If you miss your friend and "catching up" on life, chances are she does too. But there is literally not a moment of free time that is not scheduled. So, get on the schedule. This especially applies to working moms....Don't call a working mom during her career working hours expecting to chitty chat. She's busy. She has a boss who can hear the phone call and deadlines to meet. Rather you should text her and schedule a phone date at the convenience of both parties. It may be on a lunch break on the drive home or after bedtime. I have literally set a timer on my phone to call girlfriends whom I haven't spoken to in weeks/months. It's the only way I can make it work.

Tardiness. We are probably going to be late. To everything. This in no way indicates our lack of respect for whoever or whatever it is we're trying to meet or do. It is just our reality. Once a child is totally self-sufficient, I suppose this changes. But until then, everything is a gamble. We could wake up 2 hours early to still be 10 minutes late out the door. Perhaps you hit snooze too many times because you were awakened 3 times during the night by various family members and animals. Someone spilled cereal and milk all over the floor. Someone stepped in dog pee. The dog has taken someone's shoe outside into the yard that hasn't been mowed in 3 weeks. Good luck finding it. Or maybe you just could NOT find anything to wear that didn't need to be ironed or already have a stain on it. Once you're ready to go, you can't find your keys that you left in the fridge. You back over the trash can and have to stop to pick everything up, go inside to change your pants and wash your hands. I'm telling you the cosmos are working against us on being anywhere on time.

Mom Brain. It starts with pregnancy brain, which is not a myth by the way. It is legit. From the time you begin growing a life in your womb, they begin to eat your brain. And once they're born, it gets worse! You are a host to a brain parasite know as the human child. They literally suck the memory and reasoning out. Last week I went home on my lunch break and put my keys down in a compartment in the door of the fridge (where chocolate is hiding behind salad dressing). When I was ready to go back to work, I couldn't find them. I spent 20 minutes looking and got so stressed out I went to get a piece of chocolate. And there they were. Thank God I had and needed to eat chocolate or who knows how long I would have been looking. This morning I used my Keurig at work to make a cup of coffee. I set it to brew without placing a cup to catch the coffee. The drip basin completely filled with and overflowed with Pikes Place medium roast and I had a mess to clean up.

Coffee. I've never been one to post photos of my coffee cup, but I get it. In our world, hot coffee is a mythical unicorn. Sure it always starts that way, but then someone needs something. You leave the room, get distracted, find a new agenda and an hour later you find the cup of cold coffee. Stick it in the microwave. Take 2 sips. Repeat. The last time I drank a full cup of hot/warm coffee, I was on vacation. Which leads me to my next point.

Vacation. A trip and a vacation are 2 very different things. When you take children with you, it is not, in any way, a vacation. It is a trip. A vacation implies you had the ability to fully relax, choose what YOU wanted to do, do it at your leisure and get a full nights sleep. A trip on the other hand, implies you are going to a designated location for what has the potential to be a good time with small humans who will eat all your snacks, dominate your schedule and hog the bed. You will also spend most of your budget on things for them during said trip to maintain your sanity - like a souvenir size frozen lemonade in a dinosaur cup and a Micky Mouse pocket fan with candy in the handle. Good times.

Help. If you know a mom that seems overwhelmed, help a sister out! Maybe she just needs a thinking of you card or a hug to know somebody on the planet appreciates her. Children don't learn or recognize the need to appreciate acts of service until much later in life. Maybe she needs a night off or a meal cooked for her. Side note: Dining out with young children isn't easy or fun. Eating in our own home is significantly easier even though there is clean up involved. Perhaps a few hours of child care so she can shave her legs and run errands without tiny people in tow would rock her world. If you don't know, ask her. Something a mom rarely hears is "What do you need?"

Toddler Room Makeover

   Our little guy's room was in need of an organization overhaul. We have also been working on incorporating Montessori practices in our home and so I did some research on Montessori toddler spaces and bedrooms. I won't get on a soap box about why I think this method and practice is fantastic, just know that I think it is. It facilitates independence, responsibility, problem solving, organized creativity and many other characteristics that develop a whole-brained child.
   Of course everything we do is on a budget in our savings savvy house so I didn't want to spend a great deal of money on this makeover. I priced out some cubby bookshelves at IKEA and considered a new toddler bed. The rest was going to be thrift or repurposed.

   Here's a look at the toy/play situation before. A toy box is romantic and sentimental, especially since my dad made this one for G, but it wasn't functional for his needs. The toys just stayed in a pile and he couldn't see everything he has and if he did want to play with something on the bottom, everything got dragged out into a mess.
   Perhaps we can keep linens/pillows in it until he's old enough to use it as a keepsake chest.

   So the first thing I did was take inventory of things he still plays with. Then I made a list of containers and space I would need to organize everything. I found some inexpensive bins at Target for things that that would go in the closet, and repurposed some wire wrack shelving I previously used for baking and crafts. Then we hit up IKEA for the shelves and a few colorful bins for ready-to-play activities.

   One of the keys to keeping a child's room organized is to limit what's available and not overwhelm them with lots of pieces and options. Games and activities that require supervision or assistance with setting up/putting away are kept in the closet. I save these for extended playtime on the weekends, rainy days or when I need to keep G entertained for a while in one space while I clean or work on something of my own. Notice the bottom shelves he can reach are the safe and "clean" toys like train tracks, blocks, Legos and balls. The messy, supervision required activities like Playdoh, stamps and ink, paint and chalk are kept on higher shelves.

   Other things accessible to him in the closet are his shoes and hats - again, to foster independence and empower choice. He can choose what shoes he wears to school (even if they don't match his outfit ::cringe:: ) and he usually wears a hat to play outside or a fedora to church. My kid is stylish! 

   Our family has learned so many great things from G's school but one thing that will probably prove to be invaluable is the practice of playing with one thing at a time, in a designated space or on a mat/tray, and putting that item away before getting another one out. G started doing this on his own at home long before Ian and I would have expected him or tried to teach him to. So, in the play area, we have several different work spaces including a flat tray with sections, a table tray, a rug mat and the empty space between shelves at his waist level.

      The rest of his toys and books are kept in the cubbies and ready for him to work with as he chooses. Some are organized in bins to keep the pieces together and sorted by animals, things that go, toy car collection, music, drawing/coloring, sorting and building, fine motor skills, wooden puzzles and reading. He has a few imaginary play sets like fire/police station, which has its own bin for the small pieces that go with it; and 2 large train sets (in the closet). 

   The crib-to-toddler bed became an obstacle for us because he was climbing and jumping on the rails too much. We will also need the crib for the new baby in our room so we invested in a 2nd bed but I felt it was a great bargain. It was only $60 at IKEA and came in unstained, unfinished wood so we bought a can of stain for $8 to match his dresser and it was perfect. It's also lower to the ground and allows him to read, sleep and even play in it with much less worry for us. 

      His nightstand has bedtime books, a CD player with play and sleep music kept in the cabinet (he can pretty much change the discs unassisted now), his diffuser lamp and a flashlight. We mostly use the diffuser lamp as a nightlight but if I need to put water and oil in it, I move it to a higher place so he can't knock it over. I found the CD player at Best Buy for 70% off in the "scratch and dent" section when G was just a baby and we needed a sound machine to play classical music. It's been used every night for 2 years and it's still goin strong!
    A growth chart on the wall is a great way for kids to see how they have grown. This adorable owl and fox ruler was only $6 on Amazon. We also keep his hamper in there instead of the laundry room because he has learned his dirty clothes go in there and he's responsible for putting them there. 

  Because the room will still need to serve as a nursery for the new baby, the diaper changing/dressing area is still functional. We decided not to spend the money or space on a second room when baby will sleep in our room for many months anyway and the room is plenty large enough for both of their needs. We have also included a calendar to keep track of school events, family trips and special days so G can see what he has to look forward to in the week.
   The pegboard was an idea I found online when we did the original nursery and allows you to move hooks and change items displayed for interest and functionality. The lower basket has hair combing tools and hygiene items G likes to use and are safe for him to handle. 

And there you have it. A cost effective Montessori-style toddler room makeover for around $225. Because that money was spent on long-term use furniture and not trendy or themed decorating items, I think it's money well spent. The cubbies can be reused for almost anything down the road, and the bed will work for him for many years as well as our next son. Still on my to-do list is moving the framed pictures to his eye-level - this may include a puzzle we do as a family and turn into wall art - and finishing the play kitchen. Stay tuned.